“What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly
the same, and nothing that you did mattered?”
Just a few random thoughts floating around my brain as I clear out the cobwebs and gear up for the week ahead. Some happy. Some not....
--This morning I woke up to a freshly cleaned apartment. It was SOOO nice.
--My first thought when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror: why do you look...surprised? Then I remembered I waxed my eyebrows over the weekend at a nail salon at the mall in an effort to save time. Bad idea. Definitely not a good look.
--My birthday is a few days away. I wonder if my ex will call to wish me a happy birthday? Probably not. But the romantic in me never loses hope. I love her optimism.
--Heard a story last night about a young Cali guy who suffered a stroke and died for eight minutes. Miraculously, he lived. And every year he throws a “life celebration” party. Made me smile. Good reminder to enjoy every moment of your life.
--Reminder: Have to make a mammogram appointment. It’s important.
--I need to stop sending out resumes for JOBS I REALLY DON’T WANT. And recognize it’s my fear of not having money, trying to convince me to make another safe, predictable choice. Fear is an evil bitch! Don’t listen to her.
--Some folks LOVE to hear themselves talk, don’t they? Am I really expected to stand there and listen as someone drones on endlessly?! At some point, I just smiled and walked away. If that makes me shady, so be it. I got a life to live over here.
--What would you do if money weren't an issue? Thought about it over the weekend. And the answer came without hesitation: I’d write a screenplay. So I’m gonna do that.
HAPPY THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:
Enjoy every moment of your life and don't get caught up in stupid, needless worrying; have faith that the universe will provide exactly what you need.
Oh yeah, and have a happy birthday this week!! Make it fun.
I’ve been unemployed for five months. And getting a job is always foremost on my mind, a growing concern that sucks up a lot of time and mental energy. It’s not easy.
Sometimes the stress and uncertainty can be overwhelming; worrying about whether or not I’ll find work before unemployment runs out. What if I can’t make rent and wind up HOMELESS?!! With a heavy sigh, I imagine my almost certain future as a vagrant with my belongings slung over my shoulder in a weathered Hefty CinchSak, begging for change near Venice Beach along with life’s other undesirables. My worst fears realized, I bump into a former co-worker, who points his iphone at me. And laughs.
Or worse, my ex-boyfriend! Who pretends not to see me. But I catch the look of pity and disappointment in his eyes as he walks past. And I cry out to the sky, in anguish.
The scary vision drives me to rework my resume, AGAIN, in another sad attempt to hide with dazzling prose what I sorely lack in qualifications. No one is fooled.
I don’t even have any good skills! You know, like nunchuck skills,
bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills…
But when I’m not stressing myself out, dreaming up worse case scenarios or checking my dwindling bank account balance each morning, this whole “not working thing” hasn’t been all bad. In fact, getting laid off may have been a real blessing in disguise.
I’m getting a lot more sleep. I’m exercising regularly. I’m eating healthier and actually planning all my meals. Even my apartment—a place that once served as a storage facility for dirty laundry and take out containers—has started to feel more like a home.
It’s amazing how much personal stuff actually gets done when your life doesn’t revolve around work and the I-don't-have-time excuse has lost meaning. I feel like a real person! The proof: I currently have two distinctly shaped eyebrows, no mustache and the hair on my head is ONE SHADE OF BROWN. Trust me that was a rare occurrence back when I put my boss’ needs above my own; I was a two-toned hairy troll.
Basically, I look and feel great. And I’m happier than I’ve been in a really long time. So now that I’ve gotten my life back, I don’t know that I’m ready to hand it over to another ungrateful employer who overworks me and treats me like an indentured servant.
We don’t have a lot of time on this earth. We weren’t meant to spend it this way.
So where do I go from here? I’m not exactly sure to be honest. But as I weigh my career options, I’ve gotten a lot clearer on the type of job that I want/don’t want.
Here’s the essential criteria:
1. I WANT a job that challenges me, where I can learn, grow and develop new skills.
2. I WANT a job that excites and fulfills me, where I can create something that provides some value to people’s lives.
3. I WANT a job that pays me WHAT I AM WORTH.
4. I WANT a job that doesn’t make me wrong for having a personal life or wanting to maintain some type of work/life balance.
5. I WANT to work with talented people who bring out the best in me.
6. I DON'T WANT to work for another clueless idiot.
7. I DON'T WANT to work 16-18 hour days again with zero time for myself.
8. I DON'T WANT to work for another media company, who doesn’t appreciate or value my creative ideas and contributions.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY….
I DON’T WANT TO EVER SELL MY SOUL FOR A PAYCHECK AND A GREAT BENEFITS PACKAGE; SPENDING MY DAYS IN A
POORLY LIT CUBICLE WHERE I STARE AT A SCREEN....
AND WASTE AWAY IN SILENT MISERY.
In short, I want a job that doesn’t gnaw away at my soul and make me miserable. Am I asking for too much here? You tell me.
I may not be a “people person”. But I am most definitely a kid person.
So it’s no coincidence that some of my best relationships are with folks under the age of ten. Sad, I know. But I honestly enjoy the time I spend hanging out with my niece, nephew and all my cousins’ kids; preferring their company over many adults. Because they know how to have fun! And they’re so enthusiastic. About. EVERYTHING. The world is a joyous place again when I’m around them. And life becomes a lot simpler.
--What do you like to do?
--I don’t know…burn stuff.
Plus, I love that you know where you stand with kids. There’s ZERO BULLSHIT.
When I make a less-than-winning suggestion. They don’t mince words. Or hide their feelings behind a mask of fake politeness. They look me right in the eye and say: “No. I don’t want to do that. It’s dumb”. End of discussion.
Or if I’m walking around feeling all cute in my fave grungy jeans. These tykes immediately set me straight, noting areas for improvement with helpful comments like:
….What happened to your hair?
….Why are your teeth, yellow? Hey, come look. Her teeth. They’re YELLOW!
….You talk too much. I don’t want you to talk anymore today.
….You wear those jeans EVERYTIME YOU COME HERE. It’s annoying!
Forget all those well-meaning poseurs on facebook. THESE are friends! Seriously.
I don’t want friends.
Of course, they’re also family. So they can do virtually no wrong in my book. Even when they’re misbehaving, I find them cute and funny and endlessly entertaining. But I don’t always find other people’s kids quite as amusing. In fact....
SOME CHILDREN ARE RATHER ANNOYING.
I’m not talking about the bratty ones either. I have a special affinity for this often misunderstood lot, probably because I myself was labeled “bratty” growing up. Bratty kids aren’t necessarily, BAD. They’re strong-willed, independent and curious by nature. They like to discover things on their own. And never let a stupid word like “no” stop them. They are a good-natured, adventurous brood; risk takers whose only real crime is they can’t seem to contain all their energy and excitement.
That was me! Every one of my middle school report cards included the comment, “needs to practice self-control”, scribbled with the teacher's all-too-familiar red felt tip pen. I didn’t even know what that meant! Aside from losing tv priveleges.Forever.
In any case, I have no problem with bratty kids. Bratty kids rule! What I DON’T like is a selfish, spoiled and over indulged child. A mean-spirited terror, who demands their parents give them WHATEVER THEY WANT, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS OR UNREASONABLE THE REQUEST. You know the type: loud, disrespectful, begins every sentence with “I want" and tops it off with a deeply unsettling, ear-piercing scream. They are the “bad nuts” of the bunch. And they are simply not cute.
What a beastly girl.
But I think my least favorite kids, the ones that really get under my skin are the precocious types who behave like adults. They. Are. The. Worst.
Most child actors fall under this group. I've interviewed them frequently on Disney red carpets. And have also encountered my fair share among the home schooling set that for some odd reason love to frequent coffee shops. I just want to scream out to them--
You’re a freakin’ kid! GO PLAY.
You should be snickering at fart noises in the corner. Or jumping around in a bouncy castle. Because bouncy things are A-W-E-S-O-M-E. You should NOT be talking about the economy. Or tectonic plate movements. Or young Hollywood! It's disturbing. And wrong. Just... STOP IT.
Think I'm exaggerating? Fine. Check out this interview clip of Cecilia Cassini, a sassssy ten-year-old fashion designer who clearly keeps up with the Kardashians. If you can make it to the end without wanting to punch your ovaries. Or her parents.
You’re a better person than me. I can't. And I like kids.
P.S. On a somewhat related note, when I was a kid, I watched A LOT OF TV. And I think if I ever met any of my childhood tv idols, like Mr. Rogers or the Magic Garden women (LUUUUV them!). I'd probably have this same reaction. My cousin's four-year-old acted this way when she ran into one of the Fresh Beat Band "kids" recently at a kiddie party (it was the the black guy; he was friends with one of the parents). She was absolutely traumatized. It was priceless!
Don't be in such a rush to grow up, Ms. Cecilia. Childhood has its moments.
