Friday, August 17, 2012

SHADY CHARACTERS: TEDDY THE A**HOLE CAT

 
Reasons why Teddy is NOT an a**hole and why his actions are totally justified:



1. Maybe that bottle was really annoying him. And it needed to be GONE.

2. Maybe he just didn’t like the way that stupid vitamin bottle was looking at him with that smug “hey, look at me, I’m so thin and healthy” look of superiority. Stupid vitamins. *smack*

3. Maybe the bottle was telling a painfully boring personal anecdote that went on a little too long. And Teddy wanted it to end. He’s got a lot of shit to do.

4. Maybe the bottle was trying to tell him how he really needs to get out of that sad, messy house, go outside and EMBRACE LIFE! And Teddy thought, who are YOU to tell ME how to live my life. That bottle needs to mind its own damn business.

5. Maybe Teddy had a sudden feng shui attack and felt compelled to remove some clutter.

6. Maybe the bottle was perpetuating some Beiber-like, fake swagger and needed to be set straight: Stop it. Embrace your whiteness. *smack* That bottle is lucky to have a genuine friend like him who keeps it real.

7. Maybe Teddy experienced a rare rebellious impulse and remembering his former friend’s advice to embrace life  opted to go with the flow and surrender to this new, exciting feeling. He felt empowered! Then he was emotionally drained and needed a "cat nap". 

8. Maybe the bottle was standing too close. Give a bitch some damn personal space!

9. Maybe Teddy had a really hard day, sitting there, contemplating all the shit he needs to get done. And he felt a tiny bit overwhelmed, because he knows that as soon as he completes even one task there will still be twenty more things left to do. Because there is always something else that needs to get done. And you know what? He's freakin' tired! Because it just feels like life is this never ending to-do list of SHIT THAT NEEDS TO GET DONE. One vicious cycle. With no end in sight.  And what the hell is the damn point?! So yeah, he hit the bottle out of frustration. He's not proud. But he was having a moment. And needed to vent. 

Haven't you ever had a DAMN MOMENT where you felt like just lashing out?!! 

Think about THAT before you go judging a bitch and calling them an a**hole.


P.S.  Or maybe he was just hungry. And it made him irritable. I get like that.

P.P.S. Did I seriously just write an entire post about a cat?! I am really bored.

P.P.P.S. I don't even like cats.

1 comment:

  1. I like how he yawns at the end.. Like what now mother fucker? What? I'm having that day, too. I'm having me a moment.

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